ࡱ> 8:7 bjbj 7 @@  #.$QRbbbbbbbpw]b0#bEbEbEb,bb#E@ I: the toblerones of brussels Baron Frankal This week there were thousands of meeting around Brussels. Most were day-long thrillers that werent decisive in deciding anything, but small parts of long hard slogs. Particular classics are when a new directive is being finalised, invariably taking place in conference chamber 69b-4 on floor 1.2 of one of those drab buildings which give the impression that some time in the sixties the Russians conquered Belgium and no-one noticed. Everyone sits behind a toblerone-shaped sign with the name of the country on it, and to speak you stand the sign on its end. There are so many people around the table these days though, that theyre not even around it anymore. The 27 countries mostly send 2 people, and theres the Commission, delegates from other EU institutions and assorted hangers-on - usually way past 50 people before you get bored counting. The Commission sit at a sort of Cambridge college wedding high table, looking down on several parallel rows - although as the high table isnt actually raised, the chair cant really see everyone, so if you really want to speak, you may have to resort to waving your toblerone around wildly. Top table dont answer questions. Usually, several people will ask questions, which are left hanging, and then every 15 minutes or so, top table will try to respond to all the questions, summarise a consensus, and move swiftly on. A good game for the uninitiated is guessing countries, as sign names are written in the language of each country. It can take years to realise that Island is not some Gaelic spelling of Ireland, but in fact Iceland, which is a trick answer, as its is not in the EU but the EEA; although EEA people seem to be let in more than Greeks. For Iceland, the man behind the signs the giveaway: to one hundred meetings, theyve sent one hundred different men, all fifty-something with white hair, pale skin and a reddish hue. The fun is endless, you can spend hours rummaging around the spare signs at the back. Then theres the endless jargon, although party poopers are in vogue at the moment as with all the new Member States taking part, long explanations, demystifying what old hacks have taken decades to master, are the order of the day. Copa, you would discover, is nothing to do with cabana; cod is not a fish but a procedure; DGs have numbers; items have letters; an opinion is a law that no-one is bound by; and the Merten group is nothing to do with Paul but does the same thing as Antici for Coreper. Then there are rooms with 6 to 6, which refers, of course, to interpretation, meaning it is being provided both from and into six languages. These invisible service-providers sit behind rather imposing translation booths covered by dark glass. While they can see you therefore, you can only see them by concentrating hard on the glass to the extent of losing track of the speaker in the room; although youre often rewarded by seeing a gaggle of people taking notes or chatting to an interpreter, who is somehow chatting away at exactly the same time as listening to the speaker in the room and simultaneously interpreting. Sometimes a mike is off, either on the floor, when, prompted by the voice behind the glass, everyone immediately shouts at the speaker, or in the booths, when the two Spaniards start jumping up and down waving their hands at the wall, and fifteen minutes later sound floods back. Much money is won and lost on who will be the first to speak, although the smart money these days is always on the Germans. In German. And its breathtaking: literally for the interpreter, as German sentences can be unfeasibly long, but keep the verb to the very end, and so you hear what seems like the whole first act of a play before, like a dog from a trap, the verb is out and the interpreter sprints away to try and fill you in on everything, by which time the speaker is halfway through act two. The ironic thing is that most Germans speak excellent English, increasingly the language of the proceedings, and could speak on their own very much better than the Chinese whisper you hear on the headphones. Often they just end up explaining themselves later over coffee, or in the margins. In plastic cups when the tally hits 60. As to the first new Member State to speak, that is invariably Poland. Second will be the Poles again. And again; and you dont usually hear from the rest. In a corner somewhere will be the Hungarians, looking quite at home caucusing with each other... First published as brussels: round tables and toblerone signs in the budapest sun, 23 december 2004,HYPERLINK "http://www.budapestsun.com/cikk.php?id=13845"http://www.budapestsun.com/cikk.php?id=13845 IKXYZ  & r u ~ @AyzƹƳ̫h5h8Q6h5h8Q0J6h5h$56jh5h$56Uh5hu6 h$5CJ h8Q6CJ h5CJ h8QCJ huCJh 'h56CJaJh 'h55CJaJ h55CJ hu5CJ h8Q5CJ YZ  $a$gdu$a$ 5 01:p5. 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